Radioactive Man

“Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.

Marge vs. Monorail

Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city! How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.

  • The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
  • We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
  • Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
  • You don’t win friends with salad.

Natural Born Kissers

The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children… Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true! I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! I stand by my racial slur.

  1. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
  2. I stand by my racial slur.
  3. Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!
A Fish Called Selma

Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.”

 

Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Thank you, steal again. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

I stand by my racial slur. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.” “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.

Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

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I’m not dead!

And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. Well, what do you want? I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!

What a strange person

The swallow may fly south with the sun, and the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. Bring her forward! We found them. I dunno. Must be a king.

  • Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone!
  • Bring her forward!

Blue. No, yel…

Oh, ow! I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time! Where’d you get the coconuts? Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! Now, look here, my good man. Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone!

Sets The Cinema Back 900 Years!

Where’d you get the coconuts? On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical!

  1. We want a shrubbery!!
  2. Where’d you get the coconuts?
  3. We found them.
  4. But you are dressed as one…
Help, help, I’m being repressed!

Well, she turned me into a newt. Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! We found them. Well, I didn’t vote for you. Burn her! The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

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